I remember it like it was yesterday: catching an early Friday morning flight out of Portland, Oregon, after a hard week of meetings, late-night conference calls, and very little sleep. I was frustrated, exhausted, angry, and discouraged. I could not wait to get home to Charlotte, North Carolina. As I waited for boarding to finish, I looked out the cabin window and noticed something interesting. The baggage handlers were laughing, joking, and enjoying themselves as they loaded bags onto the conveyor. I remember thinking, I wish I could be those guys. I was at the top of my game—earning six figures, sitting in a corner office, and driving a company car—yet I was miserable, depleted, and drained of happiness. I had climbed to the top of the mountain and achieved my goals, but as I looked around, I asked myself, is this all there is?
I had missed birthdays, anniversaries, soccer games, and dance recitals while chasing “The Legal Tender.” Many of my colleagues had become alcoholics, gone through divorce, or developed serious health issues. In that moment, I realized I had lost my way. I had lost my “True North.” The person who once dreamed of a happy, fulfilling life had given in to the global myth that a man’s success is measured by material things: the big house, the coolest car, and the trophy wife.
I grew up in a middle-class neighborhood in Williamsburg, Virginia, and started working in eleventh grade. As I worked my way through college, my values began to shift. I noticed that girls seemed drawn to the jocks, the cool guys with fast cars and stylish clothes. My goals changed from earning an education degree and inspiring students to follow their dreams to figuring out how to make the most money and become the most successful employee at a large company.
Something changed on that flight home from Portland. I decided to stop chasing the “Legal Tender” and return to my “True North” by pursuing the dream I had from the beginning. I left corporate America and started my own consulting company. Over the years, I have realized that a happy career is not built on impressing others or trying to outdo them. It comes from finding purpose, adding value, and sharing your talents and gifts. After years of consulting, I was fortunate to join the Charlotte Motor Speedway STEAM program.
Even now, I find it interesting so little has changed. Our culture still tells us that success means owning the latest gadgets and devices and accumulating wealth as quickly as possible. Young people want it all, and they want it now. There are times even now when I’ll be instructing a class on Newton’s three laws of motion, or Bernoulli’s principles of airflow and a kid will raise their hand and ask “how much money can I make if I go to work with NASCAR? or, when I go to college which career offers the most income?
During my senior year of high school, I worked at an ESSO gas station pumping gas, cleaning windshields, and checking tire pressures. I remember one day a guy came in with a Corvair (Rear engine) car and wanted an oil change. Being the young (I can do anything) kid I told the owner I can do this! I started the car, pulled it onto the hydraulic lift, and removed what I thought was the oil pan plug. Turns out what was supposed to be oil was actually transmission fluid! Being a rear engine car, the oil plug was on the rear of the car and not the front. A life-long lesson was learned very quickly. There are times when believing in yourself is perfectly fine. However, becoming overconfident can become a real problem. Knowing your True North” is knowing your expectations and limits.
In a world where not much has changed from my early days in corporate America, I am reminded of several critical factors that still apply today. Know who you are, know where you want to go, and how you plan to get there. Find what you love to do, do what you love and success (be it fame, fortune, or satisfaction) will follow. In other words, stay focused on your True North.
This is one of the reasons why the story of the lighthouse has had such a significant impact on my life through all these years. The story goes……
One stormy night, a battleship was conducting exercises in rough seas. The captain stood on the bridge, overseeing the ship’s navigation. The fog was thick, and visibility was poor. Suddenly, just after nightfall, the lookout reported a faint light directly ahead on the starboard side.
The captain immediately asked, “Is it moving or steady?”
“Steady, sir,” the lookout replied.
This meant only one thing: they were on a direct collision course.
Without hesitation, the captain ordered, “Signal the ship: ‘Change course 20 degrees. We are on a collision course!
Moments later, the signal came back: “Advisable for you to change course.
The captain, irritated by the response, signaled again: “I am a captain of the mighty USS Franklin.
Change course 20 degrees.
The reply was prompt and unyielding: “I am a seaman second class. You had better change course 20 degrees.
Now the captain was furious. Raising his rank as a final assertion of authority, he signaled, “I am a battleship. Change course immediately!”
Back came the calm reply: “I am a lighthouse. “Your call.”
This simple life lesson taught me to “Seek first to understand, then be understood” (Habit number five from Stephen Covey).
Given all the information and attention directed at AI and advanced technology in today’s arena, I find it interesting that our new generation of leaders are compelled at times to rely on these methodologies as a means of driving their vision. I agree with the concept that we need to be on the cutting edge of business to business at a faster pace. It is wise to be as efficient and responsive to the changing demands as quickly as possible. However, I fear we have lost one of our true intentions as leaders. I sometimes wonder if these leaders of today had a mentor, nurturing teacher, coach, or someone that inspired them along the way.